So, last week, I found myself responding to an invite from Leslie Timms to go crush some rigs down at the Red River Gorge.   Leslie is better known as “Les the Mess” and you can read about all the unimpressive and lame things she has done at:  www.leslietimms.com or by clicking the link to her blog on the sidebar. Needless to say, I was PSYCHED to climb with Les.  Given that on her last trip to the RRG, she pretty much climbed my lifetime tick-list… I knew she would be psyched.   What I didn’t expect was that she would be so AMPED on trad climbing!  When I arrived she was still coming down from a post-send high of the mega classic “All that Glitters”. For those of you who don’t remember, “All that Glitters” is that super impressive looking right arching finger crack at the top of the trail (to the gallery) and just right of “Mosaic”.  It’s that line that we’ve all looked at and wanted to do, but then upon contemplation of the black alien / 000 C3 placements at the crux, thought, “eh, maybe next time”.  Here’s a video of Les’s secret beta to unlock this proud line.  And, for the record, that “pinch” (@ 1:26) is nothing more than an indentation in the sandstone masquerading around as a “hold”.   Video shot by Dave Lawrence of Joshua Tree Climbing.

Ok, now that we are done spraying about Leslie, let’s talk about climbing, and more importantly: ME.

Somehow, I convinced the Mess to go climbing at Drive By Crag… home of the 5.13a endurance rig-a-toni, “Easy Rider” which I was psyched to climb.  Easy Rider (ER) is readily locatable as it is just left of the eye catching Monique Forrester masterpiece, Kaleidoscope; and climbs with a similar tempo and style, though ER is nearly double the length of Kaleidoscope.  Highlights of ER include a sustained rightward bouldery crimp sequence capped off with a sickle shaped deadpoint to a right hand gaston.  I have affectionately dubbed this move the “puffer fish” because of the way it makes your deltoid flare upon engaging the movement.

[Photo Credit: Eric Cox]

Sustained power endurance edging on this steep angle leads to a few restful stances.

And, Yes, thats the Sharma Project in the background.

[Photo Credit: Eric Cox]

Guarding the anchors is a killer boulder problem surrounding a sweet sandstone tufa feature that lends itself to back-to-back pinching and tossing your weight around like a monkey going after a coconut.  A heart-smasher last move really made this one memorable and committing.  In my two previous send attempts I had managed to punt with the chains close enough to head-butt, which is the case for many of Easy Rider’s victims.  Eddie claims that the reason for my punting was because of “female indecision” (ie beta changing).  He is partially correct, though the beta changing was due to a mysteriously “wet – not wet – wet again” undercling at the chains, and i resent the implication. 😛

It must have been the right concoction of leslie juju, decent temps, and no crying babies at the crag that enabled me to officially send this thing.  Or maybe it was because I held my pee.  I also woman-ed up and did the throw beta. No undercling. No wet holds.  Just one giant percentile lunge that puts the previous 100 feet of climbing into the cross-hairs.  Its great when you can static your way to victory… But, there was just something super rewarding about going dynamic and connecting with the finish hold.  Named the “monster mouth” because of its tendency to destroy and eject send seekers.  Physically speaking, the monster mouth is a chronically drooling slut of a hold, with a wedge shaped opening, and a large somewhat sloping usable surface.  Its wicked fun…Go check it out!

When we weren’t climbing, you could find J-Tree Dave, Myself, Less the Mess, and Blake “Team Suck” Bowling engaged in heated battles of “Settlers of Catan”.  If you aren’t familiar with this game then clearly you have a life and aren’t a complete nerd. Although, this game is pretty wicked geeky, and we may or may not have got into a ‘not speaking to you’ fight about an incident i will not mention. A quick google search revealed that we are not the geekiest Settlers of Catan fans in the world.

 

In contrast:

Some other outlandish settlers applications:

 

And:

The gross and exhaustive geekyness of some is truly unparalleled. I love it.  However, as much as I like the pizza… jokes about trading for broccoli might not have the same effect.

For now, Im back home in the New River Gorge… and somehow every time i drive over the bridge, it catches me off guard at just how stunning this place really is.  The New is one of the raddest places in the country.

I always find myself trying to catch a glimpse of the iconic “Mango Tango” (which is visible from the bridge) and trying not to crash.  Its wrong, i know.

As much as I <3 the Red… these psychedelic calico painted walls are a truly great homecoming.   Parting shot:  Chris Linder on “The Crouch” 13d @ the Cirque.

photo by Matt Stark